How do you convey your expectations to team members or clients?

Recently I came across a letter from the St. Louis Cardinals manager Mike Matheny on my Facebook page. It was posted by a coach who termed the letter that Matheny wrote as "brilliant." The letter was to the parents of the Little League Team he was coaching a couple years before he took the helm with St. Louis. It spelled out all the beliefs he had about coaching and what needed to be done and what he would and would not tolerate. You may read the letter by clicking here: www.getbettertoday.com/mike-mathenys-letter-to-the-parents-of-young-athletes

The message that the letter conveys is fine; actually there's little if any of it I can't agree with. It's saying how he wants things to be and his expectations. The problem as I see it isn't what he said; it is how he chose to say it. I see this in both business and in life. We choose text-e-mails, letters, text messages-and lose the power of interpersonal communication. People may "see it" but they don't always "get it."

What Matheny could have done was gather all his parents together and tell them in person what he said in the letter. Now, in an effort to be fair, maybe he did that, as I really don't know for sure. However, I'm going to guess he did not and I see these letters and these e-mails far too often. I see them in business and life and it needs to stop. If you want to be a leader that is respected, you need to have more face-to-face conversations and face-to-face tough conversations and send less e-mails and text messages if you are delivering information that has any chance whatsoever of being misunderstood.

When I read Matheny's letter, I will tell you if my kid was on that team, I would have called him and asked to meet with him. I know, he's the former major league ball player, he's the expert, and I don't want to get sideways with him or my kid would not play. In person, I would have said, "Thanks for the letter; I appreciate the passion you have for coaching my son's team. We are so incredibly lucky to have a former major league baseball player showing our kids how to play baseball the right way. And in reading your letter, I can tell you are a classy man with great values. However, if you would allow me to make a suggestion; I would suggest that you meet with all the parents when you have a message like this to share and deliver it face to face. I think the parents could see your emotion better and I believe it would increase the impact of your message." Do you see the difference?

Sure, this is a matter of opinion. However, I remain concerned about where we're going in this country with communication. Letters, e-mails, text messages, and the like are one-sided forms of communication; there is NO opportunity for you to see if the message is understood and what the receiver feels about the message. Messages delivered in this fashion are not as clear, understood and therefore successful as messages delivered in person.

I have daughters that play soccer at a very high level; my 18-year-old daughter will attend Auburn University and play soccer there, so through the years I have experienced communication from leaders like the above-referenced letter. There is a tremendous amount of emotion in kids' sports and in our businesses. If you want people to follow you, you have to perform in a way that makes people want to follow you. Respect is earned and the leaders that I have the most respect for are the ones who value relationships. Letters, text messages, e-mails, and social media posts have a great chance of being misunderstood.

We would never think of writing a letter to our spouse or our parents or child (at least I hope we wouldn't) because we know that would be a very impersonal and insensitive and awkward thing to do, so why would we think it would be a good thing to do this to a client, a team member, or anyone else, for that matter? Stop writing letters and e-mails and using text messages and social media to deliver tough information and start talking to these people face to face.

The next time you are setting expectations with new hires or clients, do it in person so you can truly have a conversation. The next time you have an issue with someone, if you're interested in a relationship (and sometimes we aren't; I get that), then talk about it in person. I promise you, you will see the difference in the number of people who want to follow you.